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Life in General BLOG

Cold hatred.

I can’t say much about the cold.  It’s as though I hate the cold so much that…that…well, what can I really say about something that I hate so much as I do the cold?  Sometimes words cannot sum up such feelings and passions and, well, hate.  Someone else might be able to find the relevant words; perhaps I should employ a ghost writer?  At the same time I should probably employ someone to think up better things for me to write about than the weather.  I have a funny feeling I’ve blogged about the weather before; I’m that original.

It doesn’t even have to be that cold.  Right now, where I am, the cold is hanging out consistently at around freezing at the lowest.  Temperatures in somewhere like Minnesota would probably make my head explode.  I cannot believe that people actually live lives as ordinary people when exposed to such environments.  It blows my mind that people survive in places that appear to be the staging grounds for mad and twisted science experiments.  I imagine that there are huge scientists up in the heavens looking down upon such scenes, scribbling on clipboards, their faces illuminated by a light blue that emanates from the barren, frozen wasteland that they observe.  “Good God” I can hear them say, in hushed voices of disbelief “How are they still alive down there?”.

I’m in awe of such severe cold!  -40 degrees should win awards for being so monumentally cold!  There is nothing impressive about the kind of cold that consistently makes me suffer.  If temperatures were actually impressively cold then I could be forgiven for reacting so badly to them.  In reality, I am nothing but a wimp who cannot take a chill.

The cold is one of a handful of things that is 100% guaranteed to make me utterly miserable.  Coldness has a knack of striking me directly in the middle of my chest, causing me to hunch over and feel as though my very bones are icing over.  I snivel pitifully and mutter swears under my breath.  Sometimes the only things I can think of to say when I get cold are to do with the fact that it is cold.  It’s as if the cold has infiltrated my brain and is using me as a way of broadcasting it’s presence to the world, as if this was ever necessary!  The cold seems to have quite an ego.

I have said way too much about the cold.

Life in General | December 11, 2009

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